why does this PRINCESS blog?

Everyone askes me why do I blog? & even though I mentioned why in my first blog, apparently it still wasn't enough*

*like if anything I ever do is "e n o u g h"

So while doing my Health homework, I was reading up on how to be emotionally healthy and it started to talk about writing down your thoughts & feelings.

Here's a little something something from the textbook.

Some people find it helpful to express their feelings in a journal. Grappling with a painful experience in this way provides an emotional release and can help you develop more constructive ways of dealing with similiar situations in the future. Using a journal this way can improve physical as well as emotional wellness.

Hope that's enough explanation for you bitches.

the nightmare is reborn.

the nightmare was over; it was finally over. she finally saw past him. she no longer cared about him or his words. she was finally strong enough to say she doesn't care. she was over it; she was over him; she was over them.

. . but then . .

she decided to let her guard down just a little. thinking it would be okay & no harm would be done. he came in & whispered the words she waited months & months for. she knew it wasn't right; so she fought & fought. then, she let her guard completely down. she gave in but felt like it was the most right thing to do. her mind knew it wasn't; but her heart was telling her different.

oh, how her heart just wants to be loved.

the night felt like it never should've ended. it was almost like it didn't really happen. when she woke up the next day, she thought it was all a dream. but now; she sees herself living the nightmare all over again.

It's 3am. I laid awake, writing this about you, thinking about you. And now, I'll cry myself to sleep.

happy? I bet you are.

love DOESN'T hurt? . . what?!

h m m . .

back to square one

You got what you wanted.
It's like we were never one.
You don't care; you don't care; you don't care.
I knew what you wanted.
A l l _ a l o n g.
But it didn't stop me.
I looked in your eyes & saw more.
So much more.
But all you really did was blind me.
A friend?
A lover?
A companion?
Someone to hold?
Someone to love?
Maybe.
Just maybe.
But you ended up being just like the rest.
You got what you wanted.
And now you're gone.
And now here I am; once again.
Back to square one.
A l l _ a l o n e.

MY NEW MASTER PLAN!

& if you see this & get upset; just . .

-Don't Judge Me-

"Unless you've lived my life, don't judge me; because you don't know, never have, & never will know every little detail about me."






"Laugh your heart out, dance in the rain, cherish the moment, ignore the pain; live, laugh, love, forgive and forget; life's too short to be living with regrets."




"& sometimes I become an emotional wreck."




"But I've become the girl with her middle finger in the air, because for the first time ever; I don't fucking care."




"Many people have told me that I've changed. But I just think I finally found myself."




"If you don't like it - then k i s s . m y . a s s ."

lovemeAGAIN*

". .I have no regrets in life. I'm happy with everything that happened. I just look back at it all & just say 'it is what it is'. ."

Is it this quote that got you upset?

BUT ALL YOU GOT WAS UPSET.

Me? I've got to live with these ugly scars for the rest of my life.

BUT ALL YOU GOT WAS UPSET.

You taught me how to love; how to hold; how to care.

BUT ALL YOU GOT WAS UPSET.

cheated on; lied to; been played like a fool

BUT ALL YOU GOT WAS UPSET.

sweat; tears; blood

BUT ALL YOU GOT WAS UPSET.

scars! scars! scars!

BUT ALL YOU GOT WAS UPSET.

"you see you can't play with people's feelings; tell them you love them & don't mean it; but it don't comfort to my broken heart; you could never feel how I felt that day; until it happens, baby, you don't know pain" - Jazmin Sullivan

BUT ALL YOU GOT WAS UPSET.

& this song - I dedicate to you.

Don't know
If you feel the same
So I keep
My thoughts hidden
We both agreed
To be friends
But emotions have risen
Wish you
Would give a sign
That you know
How I'm feeling
But until then
I'll cry silent tears
Oh, but until
Then I'll cry silent tears
Oh, but until then
I'll cry silent tears

Don't wanna be in this world
Living this life without you
Don't wanna live on this earth
Loving nobody else but you
Don't wanna be in this world
Living this life without you
Don't wanna live on this earth
Loving nobody else but you

What we shared together
Was beautiful
I never felt
Anything like our essence
But if I can't have you
I'd rather be
In your presence
Crying these silent tears
Crying theses silent tears

Don't wanna be in this world
Living this life
Without you babe
Don't wanna live on this earth
Loving nobody else but you
Don't wanna be in this world
Living this life
Without you babe
Don't wanna live on this earth
Loving nobody else but you

Cry
I'll keep crying
I'll keep crying
Crying silent tears
Oh I'll keep on
Until the day
When I get sad
That I love you
I'll keep on crying
I'll keep on crying
Oh I'm crying inside
Cause I don't know
If you feel
The same way about me
Like I feel about you
Oh, baby
Baby this feeling
Is so strong
And it's so strong
That I can't let you go
I can't let you go
I can't let you go
I can't let you go
I can't let you go

I can't let you go.

. if YOU only KNEW .

Everyday I seek for you; wondering if you seek for me too.

Hoping that you do.

I always yearn for your touch.

I feel I can breathe you; when you're nowhere to be found.

If you only knew.

Once our eyes met, I melted in your sight.

What is it about you that's got me caught in a daze?

Baby, I just want to fall in your arms; I feel like that's where only I belong.

If you only knew.

I lay awake, tossing & turning. With every turn, I'd try to make myself believe that you're there.

& if you're not, I only wish that you're making believe that I'm with you too.

- P L E A S E -

Tell me what I have to do.

Does my smile not light up your room? Does it not feel good knowing you're the one who makes me smile so much?

Tell me what I have to do.

I can only give so much. & for you? I'd steal the world. Get locked in jail? Keep me there forever; as long as I'd have you.

If you only knew.

I love how your hands fit mine.

I love how your skin feels against mine.

I love how deep I can look into your eyes.

I love that I can be my [crazy;wacky;loud;stupid] self & you'll still have me around.

But I DON'T love how YOU DON'T LOVE ME.

At least not yet.

& As for me?

i . w o n t . s t o p . t r y i n g .

If you only knew.

you'll never understand.

[ME]
I'll never be the same again
I'll bet you'll never understand
The things you put me through
I tried to be a better man
But you'll never understand
Now it's time that I move on

[HIM]
Ayo I gave you everything and you still fucked my head up
Children (I'm sorry Ghost) Not now, shut up
Got back off the road, heard you sleepin with fam
The whole hood ran up on me, I was like "Damn!"
So I stepped back, sized the whole situation patiently
Arguments, face up in the air like you hating me
Ask you one question, was it good?
He have you on the wall like me, was it hood?
You probably showed him your sexy faces, how you ride on top
Grabbing the sheets, in a deep zone if he hit the spot
I came home on Friday, Saturday I found out
That night I cried with the kids, I was out
And my man, Ima do him in
And Lord knows best what Ima do to him
And you can keep the crib - all I'm sayin is, let me find out you got men around my kids

[ME]
I'll never be the same again
I'll bet you'll never understand
The things you put me through
I tried to be a better man
But you'll never understand
Now it's time that I move on

[HIM]
It was the beauty that caught me and held my soul hostage
'Member those days had you smelling my boxers
Old gold up in the hood and big dup
We could push through the grimiest streets, then throw it up
Like "That's my nigga!"
Anybody got something bad to say, son'll come through and deliver
Brushing off his 88 clocks, y'all can't touch him
I bet a wad on it, y'all can't fuck with him
Semi-shy, and I'm laid back, crystal hats
Heard ya water broke I was like "Phewww" and ran back
I ran back fast, broke my arm in the mix
To find out that bird nigga tapping my shit
It's alright 'do, maybe he came up with the right dough
Bigger dick, I don't know, must have been the best flow
This thing here, ever man in the world goes through
But fuck that, I put alotta money up, I'm hating!

[ME]
I'll never be the same again
I'll bet you'll never understand
The things you put me through
I tried to be a better man
But you'll never understand
Now it's time that I move on

[ME]
It was like ecstasy girl
Found out it was dizzing ya world
Had us living in a fantasy world
I wish we never broke up girl

[HIM]
Ayo you killed me with that
"Who bought this?" I bought that
Knowing damn well in reality you bought jack
You ain't lift one finger, but you claiming what's yours
Running all through the house, bugged out, slamming doors
We used to dress like twins, sweats, baby blue Timbs
You even scratched my benz, let the pigs in
You think that I'm the biggest bird in America?
Catch me on TV, I'm coming back never-a

[ME]
I'll never be the same again
I'll bet you'll never understand
The things you put me through
I tried to be a better man
But you'll never understand
Now it's time that I move on

getting older & still growing . . .*

at 2O; I realized, everything you want is not meant to be

2O - then you qualify, the standard to responsibilities

so I tried to prioritize, by deciding what I know is best for me

at 21; I hope that I'm with someone who truly loves me, & if I'm not, then I'll be alright, I'll accept the time I know God has for me

one day; I'll be the perfect wife, & I won't be afraid to try, though it's always love that tries to trip you up, but then someone will sweep you off the ground, but nothings promised

I'm not going to give up just bcause the last one let me down

so I set sail in motion, & I say . .
. . so long, goodbye, farewell
my ship has sailed & I'm so glad it's over
my heart is well & after all that I've been through . . .
I FOUND MYSELF

i'm starting to grow . . .

I'm a work in progress
I'm a seed grown into a flower
I'm a storm that's rising
Getting stronger with every hour
And god knows I ain't perfect
Tell me who in the world is

All I know is that I'm searching
For somebody to love me with
These flaws I've got
They're all a part of who I am
Take me, all night
That I finally understand
I'm so done trying to be everything you want
When I have to stop
Because baby you ain't worth it
I've got to Camouflage
For love, for love
No I won't Camouflage
For love, for love
I won't Camouflage

I need a lot of improvement
Not even half way to destiny
But I'm a train that's moving
And everyday I'm picking up speed
And god knows you ain't perfect
So who are you to put pressure on me

That's why I'm still searching
For somebody to love me with
These flaws I've got
There all apart of who I am
Take me, all night
That I finally understand
I'm so done trying to be everything you want
When I have to stop
Because baby you ain't worth it
I've got to Camouflage
For love, for love
No I won't Camouflage
For love, for love
I won't Camouflage

I've learned from my mistakes
The only way you're gonna be happy
Is if someone's down to take
Here when it's good and it's bad you see
I tried giving half of me
In the end I came up empty

And that's why I'm searching yeah
For somebody to love me with these flaws
These flaws I've got
There all apart of who I am
Take me, all night
That I finally understand
I'm so done trying to be everything you want
When I have to stop
Because baby you ain't worth it
I've got to Camouflage

These flaws I've got
There all apart of who I am
Take me, all night
That I finally understand
I'm so done trying to be everything you want
When I have to stop
Because baby you ain't worth it
I've got to Camouflage
For love, for love
No I won't Camouflage
For love, for love
I won't Camouflage
I can't Camouflage
Because baby you ain't worth it
If I have to camouflage
Baby you ain't worth it
If I have to camouflage

there's no I in WE; but there's an I in FRIENDS

Hi, my name is Heartless Princess & I am a sucker for love.

-being in love for the first time, wasn't as easy as I thought. & Yes I use to chase him & replace them.

now?

I've learned. I've grown. & It's come to my attention, that no matter how in love you are, your REAL friends DO NOT get replaced; nor removed.

n o . m a t t e r . h o w . m u c h . y o u . l o v e . h i m .

Make him understand. Your girls might be the only family you have or maybe the best thing that's ever happened to you. Make him understand. HE - can not give you the kind of the love you receive from family or friends. Make him understand.

that's the only way it'll work.

*a l t h o u g h;

You must remember - your friends will always be there. Hater? Nah. Friends are more than happy you're in love; whether it's for the first, second or third time, we're more than happy for you.

do not take advantage of our happiness.

Fell in love? Again? & Now what? You've left our friendship alone. Just to please him. Just to make sure you give all of your attention to him. And our friendship? Burned.

I've showed friends mulitple of times of other friends who's left me behind for an asshole*

*a s s h o l e - any kind of the male gender.

& Now? You've done it too. Me? I was always there. You? Just left me behind for the racoons to eat. But even when I'm laying on the ground, with just a few seconds to live, I'll still make sure that I'll be there.

just know this -

No matter how mad I am, no matter how many times you chose him over me, no matter how bad you hurt me, no matter how many weeks have gone by that we haven't spoken -

I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE.

happier t i m e s*

sometimes you feel like nothing in the world will go right . . . there's no one in the world that loves you . . . and you will always be this small person in such a big world - just mee;myself&I

but then i'm remembered I have great friends who show me that there is more to life than just money;boys&gossip



. . it's moments like these that I live for . .

I popped my cherry ;]

almost a year ago, my Kristellwhore tried to get me to start a diary to help me express feelings since I had finished getting out of a crazed relationship but the diary just didn't work out.

[writing in a notebook sucked]

so then I kept seeing my Stephaniewhore was posting some crap about a blog & I kept reading her blogs & absolutely loved them :]

long story short - here I am; ready to share my thoughts;feelings;expressions;emotions-EVERYTHING with the world.

I'd like to welcome you all to The Diary Of A Heartless Princess

enjoy it. love it. love me.